Today’s Blog Topic is: What is your favorite joke?
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Horse goes into a bar. Bar tender asks, “Hey, why the long face?”
The government is doing a great job! That’s a real joke.
Tom
“I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.” – Rodney Dangerfield
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked, that’s why I’m knocking!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”[
Knock knock jokes
Favorite joke? How about Congress getting a 20 percent approval rating in our lifetime?
I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. Reply: oh yeah? What was the name of his other leg? (ba da boom)
I prefer the real life funny incidents that they depict in Reader’s Digest
A mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, and civil engineer are debating what kind of engineer God must be to have designed the human body. Mechanical Engineer: “Look how the bones and joints work so well together; God was a mechanical engineer.” Electrical Engineer: “No, no, look at the complexity of the brain and nervous system; God had to be an electrical engineer.” Meanwhile the civil engineer is getting a bit agitated. Civil engineer; “Who else but a civil engineer would have put a sewage drainage system right next to a recreational area?!”
Don’t really have a favorite since there are so many I have heard over my lifetime. Mabe a runner-up is the leper hockey player one with a face-off in the corner…LOL…
I’ve never been able to remember any jokes!
waaaaaay tooooo many
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I ‘m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”
A beautiful brunette went to the doctor.
He asked what was wrong.
She said my whole body hurts.
The doctor said that can’t be, show me.
She touched her knee and screamed, she touched her elbow and screamed, etc.
The doctor asked her if she were really a brunette.
She said no, she really was a blond.
He said, I thought so, your finger’s broken.
Knock Knock – Who’s there? Banana………………………………. Orange you glad I didn’t say banana!
Anything but “knock, knock.”
A piece of rope went into a bar and asked for a beer. The bartender said, “Get out! We don’t serve your kind in here!” The rope went outside, tied himself into a knot and ruffled up his hair. He went back into the bar and asked for a beer. The bartender said, “Hey, aren’t you the guy who was just in here?” The rope replied, “I’m a frayed knot.”
A duck went into a bar and asked the bartender, “Have you got any crackers?” The bartender said, “Get out! We don’t serve ducks in here!” The duck left. The next day the duck came back and asked the bartender, “Have you got any crackers?” The bartender said, “I told you yesterday, we don’t serve ducks in here. If you come back again, I’m going to nail your bill to the bar!” The duck left. The next day the duck came back again and asked the bartender, “Have you got any nails?” The bartender replied, “Of course not!” The duck said, “Good! Do you have any crackers?”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Duane. Duane who? Duane the bathtub, I’m drowning!
George: Why are there no knock-knock jokes about freedom?
Thomas: Why?
George: Because freedom rings!
Hal: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Sal: What?
Hal: Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving!
Harry: Knock, knock.
Larry: Who’s there?
Harry: Your old lady.
Larry: Your old lady who?
Harry: I didn’t know you could yodel!
A. 6 year told me this in a classroom prior to me giving a talk on’The Police Officer is you friend ‘.She was so cute and happy in getting it right ,I was chuckling all through my talk.
Q: What’s green and lives in the bottom of the sea?
A: Moby Pickle
I asked to my wife how you spell sleeping She started to spell every single consonant and vowel…. s-l-e-e…. and I say that I don’t believe her. She stated that she was born in US and went to school since pre-K and I told her that I don’t believe her again…. she spelled the word sleeping again and again and I said NO. At the end she was mad at me and asked me why? and I answered that she can’t spell anyd word while she is sleeping.
I don’t have a favorite joke
When is a door not a door, when it is a jar, of course
I always have the last word with my wife .” Yes Dear “
the Tennessee Volunteers football team
The Browns since they’ve returned to Cleveland in 1999-absolutely hilarious!
MY LIVING WILL – Last night my kids and I were sitting in the Living Room and I said to them, “I never want to live in a vegetable state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.” They got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my wine.
One that makes me laugh.
Sorry can’t tell that joke here!!
Leave a comment? OK. Cows should eat more grass.
What do you get when you cross a polar bear and a seal?
— A polar bear.
Congratulations CCRadio Guys and GALS! you are the classiest radio game in the USA and rule in all things Bright (LED) and Beautiful (Radios) and clear (antennas) and loud! nice job for an American company, and Thank You for staying true to your main business; Radio!
V/r Earl
Joe worked at the local zoo for twenty years. One day he came home in tears. His wife met him at the door and said, “What’s the matter, Honey?”
Joe replied, “Jumbo the elephant died today.” Aww, I didn’t know you were that fond of Jumbo”, his wife said. Joe answered, “I’m not. I have to bury him tomorrow.”
Duct tape doesn’t fix stupidity but it definitely muffles the sound.
Too many to select just one…
There were three peanuts walking down the street, and one was assaulted…peanut.
A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender walks over, looks at him and says “Hey,…why the long face?”
A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink,bartender says how ya paying for that? duck says put it on my bill!!
Why did the little boy throw the clock through the window? To see time fly
What would you call theft in Peking?
A Chinese takeout.
Three guys going down the street, two of them walk into a bar, but the third one ducked…
What is long, green and slimy and hangs from trees?
Elephant snot.
what is black and white and green with bumps all over? A pickle in a tuxedo
Sign at a drug rehab. center: “Keep off the Grass!”
What ever Henny Youngman says.
I have many favorites, can’t chose just one.